Some things are so strange that it takes a few days, weeks, or months for the reality of the situation to set in. Other things set in while in you’re standing in the middle a crowded Khao San Road in the middle of a Saturday night dressed in a white gown portraying Jesus’ disciples. I’m not necessarily talking about Jesus Christ, but in a way I am. I’m talking about a man named Bryan who was staying in the hostel I currently am. His salt and pepper hair flowed down towards his shoulders when it wasn’t tied up in the back, his beard showed his experience in life, and he just so happened to ask to be called Jesus. (See below for a picture of Jesus and some of the Disciples.)
Jesus is the embodiment of charisma. He does not have to try to be interested in your life, it just flows naturally out of him. He brings together the crowd and when that happens it is lively, and the drinks are flowing.
On a Saturday night we gathered in the lobby of the hostel drinking big Chang beers, then we would rotate outside to the patio adding whiskey to the mix. Many smoked cigarettes giving the air a filter of mystery. Jesus travels often and he always brings with him a bag full of long white robes. He currently lives in Saudi Arabia, so if you picture the kind of robes people where there then you’re thinking of the exact same thing. He would meet people on his travels and coax them into partying dressed in those robes while he wore one of the same as well as a crown of thorns. Saturday night I was one of Jesus’ Disciples.
The entire night was strangely enjoyable. Random people would approach us and asked to be blessed and since I was fairly drunk I cracked out my best “In the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit.” I seriously felt like Mac in the episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia where they discover a water stain in the bar that looks like the virgin Mary, and he’s approached by a docile old woman whom asks him to bless her and he’s overcome with shock. Everywhere I looked people’s attention was on us.
The music was blasting out of multiple bars and the Disciples were all sipping from buckets, which are the efficient way of getting hammered in Thailand. We were all prancing around in our long robes, dancing and laughing. Every other minute people would jump into our group and dance with us. One group of girls seemed particularly interested in dancing with me. I couldn’t understand a single word they were saying because they were Thai natives but their body language was very expressive. A little too expressive and, you know, Jesus is all about abstinence and shit but Jason is all about heathenism so there’s that.
At one point I heard Jesus and a Disciple talking about a drug store just a few feet away. Apparently they sold many prescription drugs over the counter, and so they went in to buy some. Moments later they came out having purchased some Ritalin which they had already taken. They also saw some Xanax and other drugs of that nature. I thought to myself how horrible of an idea it would be to take some drugs in foreign land, as I further sipped on my bucket filled with an exorbitant amount of alcohol.
In the middle of my drunken haze I turned around to see another Disciple taking a chomp out of a scorpion.
“Oh! Can I have a bite? I need to try that,” I shouted belligerently.
It was passed to me like a blunt on its last few hits. I took a big bite out of its ass and was surprised to find that, although it had virtually no taste, it was super crunchy, dry and somewhat hard to swallow. It reminded me like a mouthful of sunflower seeds. I definitely needed a sip out of my bucket afterwards.
As the night was dying down the leftover lady boys became increasingly drunk and disheveled. Every time I passed one they would smile at me like an old cartoon character blinded by his hunger as he bites down on his own leg thinking it’s a prime rib. It was intimidating and penis or no penis it’s a turnoff. You have to ignore them just like you ignore the suit salesmen, unless of course you’re into that. To each their own, my friends.
I made my way back to the hostel around that time with another one of the disciples, in hopes of engaging in a sinful night.